


You Still Know Me

by WestleyWatson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood Drinking, F/M, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Love, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 03:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17216255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WestleyWatson/pseuds/WestleyWatson
Summary: When Kate came to live with the Winchesters and help out with research and lore, she failed to mention that she had over four hundred years of first-hand experience with the supernatural...





	You Still Know Me

I walked into the library with the stack of books that had been taking up valuable real estate on my bedside table for far too long. I returned the two largely-useless and outdated volumes on werewolves and made my way over to the Greek mythology shelf. Sam and Dean had insisted that something seemed to be brewing in that ancient pantheon, but I didn’t see any evidence of it. Of course, I wasn’t out in the field. I was happy to stay safe and sound in the bunker, researching their paranoid hunches.

I pulled three books that looked promising and returned a few more. I decided to head over to the Roman mythology section because I wasn’t positive the boys would know the difference between the two right away. As I made a mental note to make a handy chart for them, I slammed into a wall. The books flew from my hands and I stumbled backward until the bookcase caught me.

I blinked heavily and tried to make sense of what had happened. There was no wall in front of me. Nothing to run into. I looked around to see if one of the boys was standing behind a shelf giggling at some stupid prank they had pulled, but I was alone.

Curious, I pulled a book from the shelf behind me and winged it at the apparently invisible barrier. The book sailed through the air and landed well past where I had come to my abrupt halt. Huh. 

I walked forward slowly, one foot in front of the other until my toes ran up against something hard. I reached out and felt, but still could not see, something solid. I ran my hand to the left and right. There was a curvature to the...whatever it was. It was like a force field, like a...oh, shit. 

I dropped to my hands and knees and yanked the throw rug to the side. Shit! A devil’s trap with a few of Sam’s monster modifications was painted on the hardwood. I had seen him tinkering around with the design for months, but I didn’t think he’d perfected it. Or started putting them around the bunker! This stupid thing would grab and hold anything that wasn’t fully human.

Panic flooded into my consciousness. For two years I had managed to hide the truth from my bunker-mates. But now, one of them is going to walk in here and... 

Castiel might be sympathetic, but if Dean finds me trapped, he might be so angry at the betrayal that he shoots first and asks later...if ever. But worst of all would be Sam. I could just imagine the pain and confusion in his eyes. After so many late nights together in this very room, so many shared confidences, countless fears and reassurances...would he blame himself? Think I didn’t trust him enough to let him know? Would he shut down and turn away? I wasn’t sure I could bear that. Lately I had even started to think he may be interested in more than just cozy conversation. But if he got into one of his broody moods, who knows how long it would be before he’d even look at me.

“Kate?” Sam’s voice shocked me out of my theoretical worry and caused bile to rise in my throat. 

“What are you doing? Did you fall?” he asked. He cocked his head to the side and smiled down at me from his great height. He walked right into the trap with me and held out a hand to help me up. I put my hands in his and took a moment to appreciate how his one hand enveloped both of mine. Sam specialized in protecting other people, but he managed to make me feel safe even when he wasn’t trying.

Once I was upright, I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the trap on the floor. Sam followed my gaze. “What do you think of the new trap? Think it’ll work?” he asked me cheerfully.

“Why did you put it in here?” I managed to choke out.

“Dean’s been going on and on about needing other protections in and around the bunker. Our collection of lore is the envy of most of the…” he wandered out of the trap to pick up the book I had thrown and turned to hand it to me, only to find that I hadn’t followed him.

“Kate, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Please don’t panic. And please, please don’t hate me,” I pleaded.

“What are you talking about?” he scowled, his guard flying up in anticipation of trouble.

“Please,” I whispered. “Please forgive me.” I sank back down to the floor.

Sam took a step toward me and then seemed to put the pieces together. He gasped and backed out of the trap.

“What are you?” he asked quietly. I looked up into his eyes, begging him to understand before I actually admitted the truth. 

“Vampire.” 

“DEAN! CAS!” he shouted as he ran from the room.

At least it will be fast, I thought. A quick seperation of my head from my neck and it will be done. I had hoped, if this day ever came, I’d have a chance to explain. But perhaps that was too much to hope for. More than I deserved. Another unpleasant possibility rose in my mind. Maybe they would think I didn’t deserve to get off so easily. I hadn’t had to endure torture in a very long time. But, I suppose it’s like riding a bike. 

Sam, Dean, and Cas marched into the room together. A united front against me. Sam looked panicked, Dean looked furious and Cas...sweet Cas...just looked at me with his signature puzzled curiosity. 

I didn’t bother to stand up. They could take my head off just as easily from this position. 

The three of them stopped short of the trap. 

“How long, Kate?” Dean erupted at me. “How long have you been hiding this? Why didn’t you come to us? How could you?”

Sam put a hand on Dean’s chest to stop him and looked pointedly at Cas. Nodding, Cas took a vial out of his pocket and placed it on the floor. He gave it a little shove and it rolled to my knee. 

I’d seen that vial before. I’d consumed the contents before. The day the boys allowed me into the bunker, I’d had to pass this test.

Without protest, I unstoppered the vial and swallowed the shimmering liquid inside. I looked at each of them in turn, waiting.

“How do we even know this works on her? If she was able to lie the first time, she can lie this time,” Dean said, without taking his eyes off of me.

“I didn’t lie the first time,” I said in a small voice.

“Bullshit,” Dean spat back at me. “That stuff is the most powerful truth serum there is, but you had to have lied or you wouldn’t have been allowed to step foot in this place.”

“That day you asked me a million questions. You asked if I was loyal to any supernatural beings, groups, or ideologies. You asked if I intended to harm hunters. You asked if I was a danger to you. You asked if I had ever killed anyone. The answer to all of those questions was, and still is, no.”

“Then walk out of that trap, Kate,” Sam said, desperate.

“I can’t,” I said, choking back a sob.

“So you lied,” Dean said.

“You didn’t ask me if I was a monster,” I said feeling small under Dean’s glare.

“How is this possible?” Cas piped up. “How can you be a vamp, but never have killed anyone? Why don’t you have a family? A nest?”

“It’s a long story,” I sighed.

Dean grabbed a chair and spun it around. He slammed it into place and sat down with extreme emphasis. Sam and Cas followed his lead and found other chairs to drag over.

“I was turned in 1625 --” I began.

“1625!” Sam exclaimed. “That’s almost 400 years ago!”

“I’m four hundred and eighteen years old” I said. The shock and horror on his face was enough to make me look down and tell the rest of my story to the rug. I cleared my throat and began again.

“I arrived in Jamestown after immigrating from England with my husband in 1625. I was instantly miserable in this harsh world. Every meal was a struggle, every day a fight. I was taken from my home in the night. Dragged out while the rest of the village slept. Honestly, it was almost a relief to be taken away. I didn’t put up much struggle. My abductors were of this land, a small group that seemed to be isolated. They brought me to a clearing in a nearby wood. I did not speak their language, but they seemed genuinely concerned with my comfort. They eagerly brought me water and food and watched my every move.

“Eventually, they tried to explain who they were through pantomime. I understood that they wanted to include me, not hurt me. They were careful not to startle me, but showed me their fangs. They stayed in full control, not like these vampires around here that can’t see straight once they start to show their true colors. 

“Anyway, the leader sat with me for a long time without speaking, without moving. Finally, I reached out to him and he took my wrist and bit me. By that time, I wasn’t scared. I knew the future that awaited me back at the village with a cruel husband and an unforgiving society. This group seemed like a reasonable alternative. But they didn’t turn me yet. I winced a little at the pain, but then he ran his tongue over the wound and it closed.”

“What do you mean it closed?” Sam interrupted. 

“He could heal the skin, stop the bleeding. There was no trace of the injury, no more pain. One of the women in the group brought a young warrior into the clearing. He looked like he was from a different tribe. He had different markings, darker skin. He was brought to the leader, who sank his teeth into the warrior’s neck. The warrior did not struggle, he appeared frozen. I watched as he drank from him, each mouthful counted off by the woman, who stood to the side. When her count hit six, she signaled the leader. He swiped his tongue across the wound, closing it. 

“Then he placed his hand on the young warrior’s head for a moment. The warrior’s eyes rolled back in his head and then he blinked several times and looked around. He did not appear afraid or harmed in any way. In fact, after assessing his situation, he went directly to the leader and appeared to calmly ask for assistance. The leader smiled and chatted with the young man for a while. Eventually, the woman came with a stallion that the warrior seemed to recognize. After a few pleasantries were exchanged, the man rode off, no worse for the wear. 

“After this display, my small group of abductors came together and turned me,” I said. “It was not the ritual you know. It was done by the whole group. It took most of the night and there was nothing violent about it. They supervised my first feeding, forcing me to stop before I did any damage.” I paused to look at my audience. Dean’s scowl had not softened, but Cas and Sam looked stunned. 

“The next morning I woke up with a full belly and new eyes. But I was not able to learn from my new family for long. My own husband, leading a group of men, found the encampment that very morning. As I screamed that I was unharmed and pleaded with them to have mercy, the men from my village cut them down. Every single one of them. When it was done, my husband looked me over, decided I was fine, and led me home. 

“I went back to my life. Nothing seemed different, I couldn’t even get my fangs to come down. I began to believe I had imagined the whole thing. It was a full week before I was hungry again. When I finally felt the pang, I panicked. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and I didn’t want to expose what I was. But the longer I waited, the more urgent it became that I feed. 

“I went to the outskirts of our town and found a man who had recently arrived. He was clearing land for his home, working alone. I waited until dusk and approached. I took a few minutes to talk with him as he continued his work. I could hear his blood pumping through his veins, hot and fast as he chopped at the trees. Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. I reached out to him, asking for his hand. He smiled at me, confused by the request. But he didn’t have any reason to fear me, so he put down the ax and extended his hand.

“I grabbed his arm and sank my teeth into his wrist. He stood frozen, unseeing and unable to resist. Despite my ravenous appetite I counted off six mouthfuls and then closed the wound. I took a moment to rest my hand on his head, as I had seen my family do, and then I ran. I ran back to my home and feigned illness for a few days. I was terrified by what I had done and coming to grips with what my life would mean from this point forward.

“My husband would not hear of me missing church services, so I had to leave the house eventually. When we got to the gathering, the man from the outskirts of town was there. He was making his introductions to all of the community. When he got to me and my husband, he introduced himself just as he had with everyone else. There were no traces of recognition. He had absolutely no memory of me or what I had done.”

Dean cleared his throat. I looked up at him.

“You’re telling me you’re some kind of Native American vamp who can feed just once a week, close up wounds you open, refrain from draining your victims, and charm anyone to forget they ever met you?” he said, incredulous.

“Yes,” I said.

He stood up, abruptly. “Sam. Cas. I need to talk to you.”

Dean stormed out of the room with Cas right behind him. Sam stood up slowly and I mirrored him, rising from the floor. I took a few steps toward him.

“Sam, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but it always seemed so...big,” I said softly.

“Your husband,” he said, in an icy monotone.

“When it started to become obvious that I wasn’t aging, I used him for a meal and made him forget he ever had a wife,” I explained. “I never loved him. He was my ticket to the New World and then the murderer of my family.”

“How many?” he asked and I knew exactly what he meant.

“Four. I’ve had four husbands over the centuries,” I admitted. I wasn’t ashamed of my past, but I didn’t want to hurt Sam more. I’m sure he had known I had previous relationships, but four husbands over four hundred years was a little more than most people would reasonably assume.

“Did any of them know?” he asked.

“One did. Until he didn’t,” I said.

“You made them all forget you,” he said to himself, realization dawning. He ran his hand through his hair and I could tell this was the part that bothered him the most.

“It’s never been safe for me, Sam. And it’s never been safe for anyone to know what I am.”

“SAMMY!” Dean boomed from the hallway.

Sam walked out without looking back at me.

*****

I sat on the hard floor of the library for several hours. Occasionally I could hear raised voices out in the hallway, but the boys didn’t seem to be in any hurry to get back to me. I flipped through some books to pass the time and keep my mind off of that terrible hurt look on Sam’s face.

But the longer I waited, the more I talked myself in to standing up for myself. I hadn’t really done anything wrong. Sure, I had neglected to mention my true nature to the guys. But I hadn’t put them in danger. In fact, I had helped them. I had used my own knowledge, gathered over literal centuries, when their own lore in this very room had fallen short. 

I had just started to nod off when they finally came back.

“Kate!” Dean barked as he entered the room. I stood up to look him in the eye this time. 

“Is that truth serum still working?” he asked.

“No,” I said.

“We have a few more questions before we decide what to do,” Cas said. He pulled another vial from his pocket.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I will answer anything you want if you do me one favor.”

“What’s that?” Sam asked.

“Remember who I am,” I said. Dean opened his mouth to protest and I held up my hand to cut him off. “No, Dean. You guys know me better than anyone has in centuries. I will not accept the trite notion that you have no idea who I am because I kept this one thing from you. ”

Cas looked shocked. “How did you know he said that while we spoke in the hallway?” he asked.

“Because I know him,” I said. 

Dean shut his mouth and had the good grace to look a little abashed. He pushed Cas’s hand with the vial down and Cas understood enough to put it away. 

“Okay, first question. How have you been feeding while you’ve lived here?” Sam asked.

“Usually I find someone down at the roadhouse. The revolving cast of characters there is ideal. I get a meal, they forget they ever spent an evening with a mousy brunette and they drive away. If they ever come back through town, I steer clear. Don’t want to press my luck that someone else will remember they’ve seen me with them,” I shrug. 

“That leads me to my next question,” Dean said and my shoulders tensed. Crap.

“Did you ever take a bite out of yours truly?” he asked. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. 

“I didn’t know vampires could blush,” he said, with a hint of the familiar teasing in his voice.

“I didn’t know who you were,” I cleared my throat and shoved my embarrassment down. “Did the bartender say something to you?” I asked.

“She did,” he admitted. “I thought she was nuts, but she insisted you and I had shared a drink or two a few weeks before I thought I met you.”

“I knew I should have taken care of her before I approached you again,” I said to myself.

“You often take out witnesses?” Dean asked.

“Just their memories, Dean,” I clarified. 

“How did you get the jump on me? That isn’t easy to do,” Dean said, with his chest puffed out a bit. I couldn’t help the small laugh that made it past my lips. Dean scowled at me.

“After a drink or two, you started telling me about Baby. I excused myself, let the air out her tire, came back and had another drink before I asked if I could see her,” I explained. 

“You messed with Baby?!” Dean yelled, furious at a long-past and completely forgotten slight. Cas put a hand on his arm to calm him.

“We went out to the parking lot, you saw the flat and went ballistic...like that,” I smiled at him. “But I suggested calling triple A and you got indignant that I didn’t seem to know how to change a tire. So, you got to work and told me to lean in so I could learn. I barely had to turn my head to catch you in the carotid.”

“So, you used me for dinner and wiped my memory and then figured out who I was,” Dean prompted. 

“While you were...recovering, I finished the tire and put the jack back in Baby’s trunk and found your stash. It was way beyond anything I’d seen other hunters have at their disposal. So, I did a little research and learned about the Winchesters. I waited a few weeks and then took the chance and made contact again. But this time, I kept my fangs to myself.” I finished.

Dean considered all of this. Eventually, I saw a wicked smile inch across his face and I could hear the question before he even opened his mouth. “How’d I taste?” he asked. Sam punched him in the shoulder.

“Sorry. Right, next question. Why are you here?” Dean asked, getting serious again.

“He means, why did you chose to come help us?” Sam clarified.

“I’ve seen a lot, guys. Far more than you can imagine. I’ve tried to keep to myself, live quietly and inconspicuously. But the supernatural always finds me somehow. Mainly other vamps-the kinds you guys know. They can sniff me out and they don’t like me when they get to know me. But other stuff too-monsters, demons. I can’t tell you how often I’ve found myself neck-deep in horror I wanted no part of. And I determined a long time ago that the only way I have a shot at a happy ending is if I keep my nose clean. But I was so tired of running and dodging and turning my back to what I saw, what I knew. Over the years, I’ve helped other hunters here and there. But you guys were my best chance to make a real difference.”

Dean and Cas nodded at each other and turned to Sam. He looked at the ceiling for a long time and then gave a barely-perceptible shrug. That seemed to be enough for Dean.

“You can stay under one condition,” Dean said. 

“Anything,” desperate relief dripping from my voice.

“You can’t ever wipe our memories of you,” Dean said. “Ever. And Cas has a way to guarantee you can’t.”

My smile fell away. “Oh guys, I don’t know…”

“It’s non-negotiable, Kate,” Sam said in a low rumble that shut me up. Sam’s eyes practically burned me with the fire that blazed when he finally looked at me. He knew exactly what he was asking. He was demanding my total trust in exchange for theirs. My standard excuse, that anyone who knew my secret was in danger, just didn’t apply with these guys. I was making myself vulnerable by allowing them to walk around with this knowledge in their head, not them. But they were trusting me that I was what I was claiming to be. If I was anything less, that was what would put them in real danger. I’d been enjoying an uneven balance of power for two years and that wasn’t acceptable any longer. I let my silence convey my surrender to their demand.

“Let’s get this over with” Sam said, returning his gaze to anywhere-but-me. Cas walked out of the room to retrieve something, though I couldn’t imagine what.

“Actually, Kate,” Dean grinned at me, “I have to admit, I’m pretty damn impressed. I knew you were special, but a monster in our home-sleeping down the hall, eating meals with us, drinking us under the table-and we never suspected. Damn. And not many creatures can draw blood from me, much less without my knowledge.”

“Don’t feel bad, Dean. I’ve got hundreds of years of experience getting big tough guys to underestimate me,” I smiled, still distracted by the fact that Sam wouldn’t look at me.

Cas came back in with a small clay pot. He set it down on a small table and all three men started taking off their shirts.

“Whoa! Fellas! What’s this memory protection entail? Making sure I don’t forget the night?” I laughed nervously. Not that I hadn’t seen this much, and occasionally more, living with these three for so long. But seriously, I had no clue what was about to go down.

“Settle down, Katie-cat,” Dean said, using the nickname he had given me after a particularly long night of celebration after exorcising a nasty piece of work shortly after I moved in.

Cas picked up the pot and dipped his finger into the dark substance it contained. He moved over to Dean and used the muck to draw a sigil high up on the deltoid of his right arm. Then he repeated the process on Sam. Finally, Dean took the pot and used the goop to put the symbol on Cas.

“You think that’s going to protect you from my memory wipe?” I asked, doubtful. “Are you gonna reapply it every day or something?”

“The protection won’t be complete until you try to erase our memories and solidify the charm,” Cas said matter-of-factly.

“Wait, what? I have to try to erase your memories for this to work? No, no, no, no thank you,” I said, a little panicked. “Cas, you have to find a different way.”

“What’s the problem? You’ve done your hoodoo on me already once before,” Dean said. “Just do it again.”

“Well, first of all, what if it doesn’t work? I don’t want you to forget who I am now!” I shrieked.

Cas shook his head. “This will work, Kate. I promise,” he said. “And you can try me first to be sure. I’m fairly certain my memory can be restored by one of my brothers or sisters if something goes wrong.” 

“It’s not just that, Cas. I can’t just try to take someone’s memory by itself. It’s all connected,” I said.

Sam finally turned back to me and I watched the understanding blossom on his face. “You mean you have to drink from us first?”

I nodded. The thought of biting each of them, taking a mouthful of blood, running my tongue over their broken skin, made my knees buckle. While the act itself was inherently intimate, I’d always managed to keep myself pretty distant from it. It was almost always someone I had no connection to, someone I’d just met and I knew I’d never see again. And since that very first man on the outskirts of Jamestown, it had always, always, always been done with the certainty that the other person would not remember the experience.

“Well, yee-haw, Katie-cat, let’s go,” Dean said, his eyes dancing with mischief. He shoved Cas forward into the trap with me.

Cas stood opposite me, shirtless and waiting. I took a step toward him, then stopped.

“Have you ever had angel blood before?” he asked, thinking that was what was giving me pause.

“I have, actually,” I admitted. “Another long story, but other than giving me a bit of a buzz, it’s not much different. Your grace isn’t in your blood.”

“Ah, good then,” he said. “Where do you wish to bite me?”

Dean guffawed and Sam smacked him on the back. I shot him a death glare.

“Let’s go with your wrist, Castiel,” I said. Without any hesitation, he held out his hand to me. I took it and lifted it to my nose. I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t look at the guys and do this. I had eaten just two days ago, so I had to actually concentrate to get my fangs to drop.

I inhaled deeply through my nose and tuned my ears to the beating of Cas’s heart. Once I focused on the swish of the blood moving in and out of the chambers of his heart, I could feel the familiar tingle of the breaking of my gums. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, so as soon as I felt the fangs clear my incisors, I bit down quickly on Cas’s waiting wrist.

I heard Sam and Dean gasp, but I could feel that Cas was frozen. Over the years, various species of vampires envied one or another of the unique abilities I possessed. But I had always had a special appreciation for the paralysis my meals experienced the moment my teeth broke their skin. It made things much easier, much cleaner. And today, I was especially thankful, as it did help detach from the experience a little. 

I only took one mouthful of blood from him and hoped that would be enough to activate the rest of the process. Angel blood really did make me feel a little loopy, like throwing back a couple shots of Jameson in quick succession. And I felt like I needed my full faculties if I was going to get through these next two bites.

I ran my tongue over Cas’s wrist and felt the skin snap back into place. It happened faster than with mortals and I assumed it was a little of his own grace kicking in.

My fangs retracted and I opened my eyes. I could see Dean’s mouth hanging open in astonishment and Sam was unnaturally interested in the floor to avoid looking at me. I wondered briefly if they hadn’t fully believed me until that moment. But, I shook myself and laid my hand on Cas’s forehead. This moment was actually the most mysterious part of my process. I never had the chance to ask my creators how it worked, why it worked. I had just mimicked what I saw that first night in the clearing. But if I put my hand on someone’s forehead after feeding, without exception, their eyes rolled back, they blinked a few times, and they were disoriented and confused for anywhere from a couple minutes to a half hour. When the fog cleared, they had never seen me before in their life.

But this time, something new happened. Cas’s eyes started to roll back, but then they snapped back to me and he screamed. I yanked my hand away and he grabbed at his shoulder where the black goop symbol had been drawn on by Dean. 

“Dean! What do I do?” I yelled.

“I don’t know!” Dean yelled back. “This was his crazy idea!”

Just as suddenly as he started, Cas stopped yelling. He was doubled over, gripping his shoulder and panting.

“Cas?” I ventured. “Castiel?”

He looked up at me and for a split second, he didn’t recognize me. I could see the familiar blank unknowing stare that was shared by every man and woman I had ever bitten. My heart dropped for the millionth time in the last few hours. 

But then he shook himself and said, “Kate.”

“Cas!” I ran forward and hugged him for sheer relief. A sharp inhale and flinch told me something wasn’t quite right, so I pulled back immediately. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

He took his hand away from his shoulder and it was my turn to gasp. It looked like the black gunk had boiled and burrowed into his skin, forming a kind of blend between a tattoo and a brand.

“God, man! Is that what’s supposed to happen?” Dean said, clearly catching a whiff of burning skin.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas deadpanned, “it was supposed to work exactly like that and it did. The attempt to erase my memory cemented the sigil and it will now permanently protect against any such attempt in the future.”

“I’ve had lots of ideas for new ink,” Dean said. “This wasn’t one of them.”

Cas was already out of the trap and putting his shirt back on.

“Do you...uh...remember everything?” Sam asked.

“I do not believe I have forgotten anything,” Cas said as he pulled his tie around his neck. “I know who Kate is and I remember everything from meeting her in the bunker two years ago to the moment she placed her hand on my head after drinking my blood.”

“You remember her drinking your blood?” Sam asked. “You didn’t look like you knew what was happening right then.”

“I was not able to move, but yes, I remember quite clearly the feeling of her teeth sinking into my wrist and the slight pull of her lips as she --”

“Okay! That’s good, Cas, thank you,” I interrupted to Dean’s delight.

“My turn!” Dean said, a little too enthusiastically as he sauntered into the trap holding out his wrist in offering.

Sam rolled his eyes and became interested in a book on a nearby shelf. Cas, however, froze mid-shrug into his coat, mesmerized by what was about to happen.

I took Dean’s proffered hand and raised it to my nose, prepared to repeat the process.

“Kate,” he said so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

“Yes?” I whispered back.

“I understand why you didn’t tell us,” he said. “But we’re family. We protect each other.”

“I know, Dean, and I’m sorry. No more secrets,” I said.

“I said we protect each other. I didn’t say no secrets,” Dean smiled. “Right, Sammy?” he added in a loud voice. 

“Wha--” I began, my mind racing to grasp Dean's meaning.

Dean laughed at Sam’s bewildered look and he winked at me.

“Problem?” Sam asked, scowling.

“No, no,” I said, refocusing on the task at hand. “Give me a second. No talking, Dean.”

I closed my eyes and tried to inhale Dean’s scent. I kept getting notes of burning Cas flesh, which distracted me enough to let my mind wander. Sam was keeping a secret? From me? That could only be one thing, right? He had feelings for me. 

I mean, Dean isn’t exactly known for being subtle. He doesn’t play games. He wouldn’t imply something like that just to mess with me. Well, he’d mess with me relentlessly, of course, but not about something that might jack up our mojo as a team. Maybe that’s why he said it. He worried our flirting and dancing around each other was starting to mess with the team and this was the perfect chance to clear the air. Start fresh.

Of course, the man couldn’t even look at me for longer than thirty seconds now. So, maybe this was all a moot point. I missed my chance. My heart ached at that thought. I had been assuming Sam and I were working our way, slowly but surely, toward one another. But I guess, deep down, I had also known it couldn’t happen. I mean, really. An ancient vampire and half of the most powerful hunter duo of all time? Yeah, no. 

Dean cleared his throat. “Performance anxiety, Katie?” he said.

I flicked his ear. “Quiet, snack-time,” I said licking my lips.

I skipped trying to pick up a scent and went straight to listening for the rush of blood. Unfortunately, the rush of internal dialogue I was experiencing made that difficult. Finally, I decided to just go for the fastest means to the end of this insanity. I felt for his pulse on his wrist and stepped closer to him. I put my face close to his neck and cocked my head so my ear was an inch from his carotid. 

That did it. My nostrils flared and my fangs descended quickly. I snapped his wrist up to my mouth and bit down. The moment I felt the heat of his blood in my mouth, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop at one mouthful. One side effect of my way of feeding was that I had rarely had the same blood twice. People undervalue familiarity when it comes to food. Comfort food is really just familiar food.

But I could not afford to think of Dean as comfort food! I allowed myself one more sip and then mentally commanded myself to close the wound. Embarrassed, I quickly moved on to the whole reason we were doing this and placed my hand on his forehead.

Just like Cas, his eyes started to roll back, but then he came back to himself and shouted as his skin began to bubble. The shout turned to a growl and finally subsided.

“You okay?” I asked, still concerned that he might forget me.

“You, young lady, took more from me than you did from Cas,” Dean said. 

I smiled at him, relieved.

“You’re up, little brother,” Dean said, stepping out of the trap. “C’mon Cas. Let’s go get burgers for dinner. I’m going to need the iron to replenish the ol’ red cells.”

Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Dean patted him on the back. “I’ll get you a nice heap of kale. Don’t forget to repair the trap after you let her out,” he said with a smirk.

We both watched them go.

******

When we were alone, Sam turned and gave me a silent shrug. It was a gesture I’d seen many times. His pursed lips and raised eyebrows were a standard generic apology for Dean’s behavior. I returned the shrug to dismiss any need for explanation. 

“You ready for me?” Sam asked, not making any move toward me.

“Actually,” I said, “do you mind if we wait a bit? I could use a few minutes.”

Sam nodded curtly at me and started toward the door.

“Wait!” I shouted, far louder than I intended. I cleared my throat and re-calibrated the volume of my voice. “I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave. Can’t we...talk?”

Sam sighed and sank into the chair he had pulled over to hear my origin story. “Fine,” he said.

“Gee, thanks,” I scowled at him and his walled off expression.

“What?” he snapped. “What do you want from me, Kate?”

“I want you to understand. Even just a little bit?” I pleaded.

“We’re letting you stay, aren’t we?” he said.

“Yeah, that’s the key word. We. I understand that the consensus was in my favor, but I get the feeling you may have been the dissenting voice,” I said. And the moment the words left my lips, I knew by the look on his face that I had hit the nail on the head.

He wanted me gone. I could live with the fact that Sam and I wouldn’t ever be more than we had been, but I didn’t think I could stand being less.

“Break the trap, Sam. Just let me go,” I said. 

“That would be easier for you, wouldn’t it, Kate?” he sneered at me. “Just cut bait and run. Sorry you can’t make Dean and Cas forget about you, but I bet if you ask nicely, they’ll keep it to themselves and won’t mention you to me again.” He put his hand on the symbol Cas had drawn on his shoulder and smeared it, rendering it useless.

“What is wrong with you?” I asked, taken aback by the force of his anger.

“What’s wrong with me?” he yelled, the vein in his neck throbbing. “Me? I’m not the problem here! You --” he cut himself off and stormed away.

“Sam!” I ran to the invisible wall separating us and banged a fist against it.

“No, Kate! No!” he said as he got to the door. But when he tried to open it, it didn’t budge. He kicked it. “DEAN!”  
“Sorry, little brother,” came Dean’s voice through the door. “That wasn’t the deal.”

“What?” Sam raged. “Let me out of this room!”

“Nope. No bite, no key,” he said.

“Dean! This isn’t going to work,” Sam insisted to the door. “I’m sorry. I thought maybe...but I can’t.”

“Bullshit, Sammy. Suck it up and let her...well, you know, suck...” Dean laughed.

“Dean,” Sam growled.

“Seriously, Sam,” Dean scolded. “We can’t afford dissent in the ranks. We’re all together or we all pay the price. You know that.”

“So let her go!” Sam shouted.

“We are not in a position to go kicking out good help. Especially help with four hundred years of experience and some kick-ass special abilities,” Dean argued. I got the feeling I was just hearing a rehash of the earlier hallway discussion.

Sam kicked the door again. 

“Stop taking it out on the oak and talk to her,” Dean said.

I watched Sam’s shoulders slump as he resolved himself to his captivity. We both knew that when Dean got an idea in his head about the team, he was not going to be talked out of it. Sam leaned against the door and let himself sink to the floor. He sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his overly-large hands. 

I stood in my small circle and tried to gather my thoughts. I had to get through to Sam. I went to the bookshelf and found a tome on the goddess Hera. I pulled it from the shelf and slid it across the floor so that it hit Sam’s outstretched foot. He nudged the book aside with his toe and ignored me.

“I met her once,” I said, pointing to the book. “Being the goddess of marriage, she decided she didn’t like what I was doing and came to tell me so.” That got Sam’s attention. At least he was looking at me and not his shoes.

“It was in 1856, right after I erased the memory of my fourth husband. He happened to be a descendant of a prominent ancient Greek family and the Olympians still keep tabs on those they consider ‘their people.’ Anyway, right after I removed my hand from my former husband’s forehead, she popped into the room in a hail of peacock feather pyrotechnics and threw me through a wall. 

“When I tried to get up, she came and put her sandaled foot on my chest. I couldn’t move. She said I had thrown away the rare gift of a faithful husband. You know, she's super big on fidelity thanks to Zeus. But anyway, I tried to explain to her that his faithfulness that was the reason I had to let him go. She threatened me, saying she was going to see to it that I could never use my gifts to wriggle out of the blessing of the true love of a faithful man again. It took me the better part of an hour and the promise to uncover a lost statue to bring public attention back to her before she forgave me enough to let me go.”

“Well, I don’t think there are any lost statues of me and I don’t want public attention,” Sam said with an eye roll.

“She misunderstood my motivations, Sam. She thought I didn’t value what I had, so I was carelessly throwing it away, when it was exactly the opposite.” 

“I’m not misunderstanding your motivations, Kate. I’m misunderstanding mine,” he said. “All this time...you and me, together...in this place, in this very room most of the time...I thought we were building something. And for once I thought it was just a nice, normal...well, as normal as I can possibly have...boy meets girl scenario. Sure we worked together, but work didn’t actually have any bearing on...us. I mean, we could be us with no supernatural ramifications.” 

He looked pathetic and lost. I wanted to put my arm around him so badly that I forgot about the wall between us. I stepped right into the invisible barrier and hit my head. I staggered backward a step or two. “Damn it!” I cursed.

I felt like a total idiot and the blooming knot on my head was not the only reason for the feeling. Dean was right that Sam had been hiding feelings from me, but apparently my main selling point was that I wasn’t truly a part of his world. He had been playing out some wholesome ideal of a courtship with a “normal” girl and I’d shattered his little rose-colored world. I mean, I understood to a certain extent. Over the years, I had plenty of romantic notions that I’d labeled as one thing only to find out they were something else entirely. 

“But so what?” I blurted out. “Every relationship has that moment when the honeymoon is over and you start to see the person for who they really are. If it’s strong enough, the relationship survives.”

Sam stood up and walked over to the trap. “I’m not finding out that you hate the movies I love or you never put your socks in the laundry basket, Kate! I’m finding out you’re a four hundred year old blood-sucker! And we haven’t even had the honeymoon period yet --”

“Who’s fault is that?” I shoot back at him.

Sam grabbed the pot of black goop and came right into the trap with me. “Draw this damn thing on my arm and let’s get this done. I want out of this room. Now.”

I took the pot from him and dipped a finger into the substance. Sam angled his shoulder toward me and pointedly turned his face away. “Don’t mess it up. I’d hate to forget all of this,” he said sarcastically.

“Ugh,” I rolled my eyes. “Grow up!” 

Sam looked at me to protest, but I accelerated my movements and pulled him down into a kiss. Then I let my hands fall to see what he would do. Just as I registered the soft warmth of his lips and started to hope that he wouldn’t pull away, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back to look at me at arm’s length.

“Sam,” I pleaded, “did you ever think, maybe, you were holding back because if I really was just some helpless librarian for you and your brother...if I had nothing more to offer than lore and a sympathetic ear...you felt like you couldn’t burden me with loving you? The stress, the danger, the nightmares and regret? Could you ever really be with someone who wasn’t fully a part of this world? Someone who didn’t have skin in the game? Besides, I know you, Sam. You hide it better than Dean, but you’re addicted to the drama, the rush, the extreme. If I was a normal woman, would I have been interesting to you a year from now? Two years?”

Sam slowly lifted his hand to my cheek. “Part of what scared me, Kate, was that I knew you would hold my attention...my heart...just as you were. You were a rush all by yourself, sitting in this library, lounging on the couch, or sliding a beer across the kitchen table to me.”

He let go of me then and guided my hand up to his shoulder. “Let’s do this,” he said. “Please.”

My heart sank as I replicated the symbol that I’d seen on Dean and Cas. Part of me considered...for a split second...that I should intentionally get it wrong so he would forget me. Maybe if we just started over with him knowing right from the start what I was, we could recapture what we had. But we’d lose so much. And maybe he’d never even give himself permission to think of me as anything more than a monster in their midst. At least this way, he could remember me as just...me.

When I finished the symbol he offered me his wrist. I stared at it through a blur of tears that were collecting in my eyes and knew that my fangs were not going to drop without some extreme persuasion. 

“I don’t think I can,” I whispered to the floor.

Sam used one finger to lift my head as he crowded into my personal space. He bent down so that his neck was directly in front of my face. My attention snapped to the hammering of his pulse. His heart had to be racing. Then I caught the metallic smell of blood. Sam had punctured his finger with his pocket knife while I was distracted. He reached up and smeared a streak of red right across his carotid vein.

That did it. My fangs descended and I bit down hard into Sam’s neck. His blood flooded into my mouth, tangy and sweet. His scent filled my nostrils and my hands found the smooth skin of his back as I pulled him in closer to me. I had the horrible realization that this might be the closest he would ever allow me to be again, so I swallowed down the first mouthful and took another.

A torrent of memories washed over me as I felt his hair tickle my forehead. The first time I had walked into the bunker and met him. Nights laughing in the kitchen as he attempted to get me to like the vegetarian nonsense he ate. Bumping into him in the hallway in the middle of the night as he drowsily made his way to the bathroom. The look on his face when he stumbled upon some lore that actually helped in a case. I took another mouthful.

Then I thought of the difficulty that lay ahead. Having to live with Sam, knowing that he had wanted me and I had ruined it just because of what I was...or wasn’t. Or ruined it because of how I had kept that to myself rather than trust him with that knowledge. So, I took another mouthful.

At that moment, Sam twitched. That snapped me out of the pity party I was drowning in blood. No one had ever so much as blinked when my teeth were in them. It was then that I noticed it. Something unfamiliar in Sam’s blood. It was almost an aftertaste, a fleeting note of something I’d never tasted before.

His fingers fluttered against my side. What was going on? I tightened my grip on him and retracted my fangs. Just as I was about to swipe my tongue over the wound, it closed all on its own. I pulled back, totally confused. How did that happen?

Now very unsure of what I was doing, I placed my hand on his forehead. His eyes rolled back and then he squeezed them shut as he shouted against the bubbling burning mess on his shoulder. But rather than burrowing into his skin, the sigil seemed to slide right off his arm. Shit, shit, shit! Had I drawn it wrong? 

Bent over double with his hands on his knees, he took several deep breaths. Then a deep growl started in his throat and built up in a crescendo as he sank down to the floor. I backed away from him, pressing myself against the curved wall of the devil’s trap.

“Sam?” I squeeked.

He blinked heavily and looked up at me, confused. “Kate?” he ventured, his voice a hollow echo.

He knew who I was! Even with the remnants of the sigil sliding down his arm.

A flash of bright gold sparks in the pattern of peacock feathers and the high tinkling laugh of a certain goddess gave me all the answers I needed. The recent disturbances with the Greek pantheon the boys had been picking up on had been Hera making good on her threat. Sam didn’t need the sigil to protect him from my memory wipe. Hera had found a way to make him immune to my powers.

Sam stood up and ran his hand over his shoulder and then put everything together. 

“Hera?” he asked. I nodded.

“The true love of a faithful man,” he said more to himself than to me, but I nodded again anyway, tears springing to my eyes again.

He turned away from me and used his toe to scrape away the paint of the outer ring and break the trap. I made a beeline for the door. I needed to be alone. 

Before I could escape though, Sam’s large hand caught my shoulder. 

He turned me around as I tried to wipe the evidence of my heartbreak from my face. 

“Are you really going to try and defy a goddess again?” he asked me. Then he gathered me in his arms, brushed the hair from my face, and kissed me. 

As I relaxed into his embrace, I sent a silent prayer of thanks to Hera. Because, quite frankly, nothing short of the confirmation of his feelings by a deity could have gotten the attention of this Winchester.


End file.
